Tea Trip Pull Sea

Hello! :)

Let me tell you a story about a boy who made some mistakes in his life. He believed in a world that was constantly against him, until he soon faced each morning thinking it was him against everyone else. It was a world where he trusted himself above even his friends and family. Life was preciously gifted, but painful nonetheless. Each day was dreaded, each moment squandered without a thought for what could have happened instead of what did.

In fact, this story is about me. Perhaps the only part of it that is false is that I would rather refer to myself as a man than a boy. Otherwise, it perfectly and succinctly summarises how I felt about my own existence, until my views on life were changed.

Everybody loves acronyms. Acronyms may be the single most useful invention since the abacus. And that was made a long long time ago. Well, a bit of an exaggeration really. 'Useful' is hardly the term that describes them well. But 'memorable' is.

Tea trip pull sea. Or, you could remember this instead: TCCC. (In case people are still scratching their heads, I'll explain that 'tea trip pull sea' is phonetically identical to the pronunciation of the acronym TCCC, ala "T triple C")

A month or two ago, I gave a short presentation on TCCC concerning how it was something I learned at our annual youth camp, but to be perfectly honest (apologies to anyone who was deceived by my deception) it was a concept that had been blossoming for a long time before camp. It is really something that has emerged as my new understanding and view of the importance of social interaction (i.e. between me and everyone else), somewhat of an ideal which I would like to aspire to.

It's probably time for me to present what TCCC is indeed an acronym for. It's so simple that an idiot could have (and did) invented it.

T hankfulness
C onsideration
C ourtesy
C ooperation



T hankfulness

The world is largely a thankless place. The deserving things we've received we take with pride and arrogance, the undeserving things we're received we regard with little thought and humility, the deserving things we've been denied we whine and moan about as injustice, and the undeserving things we've been denied we still whine and moan about as unjust. I believe to give thanks takes something unworldly, inhuman by design, because we constantly want, and rarely feel content and satisfied with our present self.

Perhaps I feel that way about how my social interactions have been. It is true that very oftentimes, I am the one who, at a party, eventually fades from the foreground to the background, perhaps because i fade easily, others are more interesting, or I simply don't have the social endurance to sustain intense interactions for lengthy periods of time. These rationalisations were firm on the surface, but crumbled deep down in my psyche. I was upset that people devoted so much of their time to people that weren't me.

But in realising that there are also times where they do devote their time to accompany me, entertain me and make me feel appreciated, I believe I need to show a great deal more thankfulness for these moments, and a great deal less self-pity and unwarranted greed for attention. Only then can I realise the true value of the precious moments that I spend in the company of those who are dear to me.



C onsideration

I believe when it comes to social interaction, there are two voices that speak to you. One says, "I... I... I... I... I...", while the other says, "They... they... they... they... they...". However, most people will experience a great discrepancy between their perceptions of one versus the other. In the majority of people, the first voice will sound much louder than the second, and as a result, people tend to focus their attention on selfish thoughts and motives, without adequate consideration for others'.

In the past, I very often saw the needs of only myself, and no other. I felt as though the people around me constantly ignored my existence whenever possible, and where I saw people forming tight circles of friendship, I saw myself being excluded and isolated from these circles, always observing from outside, unable to truly experience what happened within the bond of true friendship. Holding onto that perception of my own self-pity and loneliness, I wished, and indeed, expected that such loneliness should have been compensated, by a kind word, a gentle action when I needed it, but when such things happened, it was ephemeral and short-lived.

What was it that made my friendship so much less appealing than that which was formed with someone else? Why did my 'friends' never attend to me in the same manner they did others?

I believe that in writing this, I will unintentionally insult at least one person who reads it, and for others still it will stir within them a sense of guilt. But I should interject first by saying that as a memoir of my past, this entry has no power on the present but to inform. If you feel such a feeling arising, it is unnecessary. I am not trying to place blame or burden anyone with despondent feelings of guilt or remorse.

I came to the realisation that in believing that I was deserving, I was raising myself to a higher status than I had actually obtained for myself. I was a 'friend' by name, but by actions and deeds, what had I given to my friends that was of value and was sufficient enough to be considered for reciprocation? Better 'friends' to my friend were certainly more deserving in this respect, and had every right to receive everything they did. In belittling myself (in a good way), I could see how much bigger the world was, and how little I had actually explored and discovered for myself. At the same time, a smaller me needed less attention, and I became more content with the acknowledgment I already received. I needed to be considerate, and in turn acknowledge that there is a reason some people are liked more than others. I believe that for some, they may just be a better friend than I.



C ourtesy

Gifted with a mind capable of calculation, invention and imagination, we sometimes calculate too much the value behind the actions of others, invent too much the motives behind the actions of others, and imagine too much the emotions behind the actions of others. A mind that is incapable of stopping, for fear of losing its advantage over mindless others, can be a terrible burden to its owner, and a terrible strain on even the strongest links between people, if it is not contained within the bounds of courteous thought.

To be perfectly honest, this aspect has changed the least, for the reason that my mind is unkempt and unleashed. But discipline is on my agenda, and with time, I hope to possess a courteous mind towards others. However, much of my past experience echoes my current experience in this regard, to my great disappointment.

Reading into the motives of others is second nature for a great number of people, because it serves to gauge why someone chooses their course of action. Reading into the dispositions of others is second nature also, because it serve to gauge why someone chooses their course of interaction with the reader. However, when one perceives the majority of his or her social interactions to be negatively tinged, it is only logical that dispositions are all too often read to be negatively tinged also.

I am extremely prejudiced towards the people I know. From the outset, I will forgo all prior knowledge I have of them and presume they dislike me. During a time, this was an extremely accurate strategy. However, as time has progressed, I have held onto this view, most likely out of sheer laziness. It is much less accurate now, but still permeates my view of the people around me. It has become second nature for me to assume that the people in my life dislike me at some level, which is unfortunate for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I will undoubtedly treat someone whom I believe holds me in positive regard differently than someone who feels oppositely. Second, I will likely never be as close to these people as friends than I could have otherwise, because I feel no point in trying. And lastly, it's insulting to everyone who are genuine in their positive regard towards me, for me to replace such intentions with fabricated attitudes of animosity.

This in my mind is not courteous towards my acquaintances, and distances me from people around me. There may well be times where someone's actions leads you to think on such negative thoughts, but we need to have a buffer capable of absorbing a number of misfortunes before we form our judgments. We wouldn't like others to expect perfection of us, nor should we expect perfection of others. Holding this courtesy towards others is a step towards better interactions.



C ooperation


Zero-sum games are very difficult to tolerate. They prelude one side's eventual loss, when the other triumphs. Zero-sum games are incapable of conducing harmony between participants. Even the best of friends can be torn apart by such a contest, simply because the nature of zero-sum is the windfall of one facilitated by the downfall of the other. In contrast, non-zero-sum games are able to generate a great deal of harmony and cooperation, even between the most unlikely partners. In such a sense, what importance does this logic hold for social interaction?

Time is a luxury that we have been given to squander as we see fit. The vision a person holds for their life determines how wisely he spends his time. If all he sees is what interests himself, when no other holds the same vision, he is destined to pour his efforts into ventures which are a zero-sum game. He will be isolated, lonely, and forgotten. He travels a road he paves himself, because he holds no interests in those laid by others before him.

However, if he sees others in his future, he can pour his efforts into ventures which are a non-zero-sum game. He will spend his time in the presence of others with similar ventures, similar hopes, similar futures, and be surrounded, accompanied, and remembered. He travels with companions who are happy to have him in their company and he is happy to have them in his. Together, they forge a path more prominent than a single man could ever make.

Perhaps this seems a bit poetic (a bit). What of it though? Do we see greater value in pursuing an individual dream, or do we see greater value in pursuing a collective dream? One person is capable of good things, but many people are capable of great things. Very often, I refer to myself as a non-conformist. Slowly, ever so slowly, people acknowledge that this ideal is fading. Partly because I feel slightly jaded by the ideal, but also because I want to be involved in the lives of others.

I admit that I feel awkward in situations where I step away from my usual persona in doing something different from my routine, but I enjoy it. I enjoy it not because the activity was adventurous and exciting, but because the company I was with gives me a feeling of contentment that is equal to none. But the nature of cooperation is to lose a part of yourself to create something much much bigger.



I don't know if you expected to learn anything significant from this entry. To my mind, this was a chance to write my thoughts and express a part of me that is in the dark the majority of the time. I am a complicated person. Above that, I try hard to hide myself from others, and I will often know more about someone else than they will know about me. However, hopefully, after today, my thoughts on social interaction will not be a mystery unknown.


Till next write --

N.B. This post was completed on the 15th August 2008, and took 9 days to finish